I have been on quite the journey of discovery of late.
Design journey.
Friendship journey.
Self-awareness journey.
Life evaluation journey.
Existential journey.
I have taken my own advise, at least in one aspect of my life, to “shit or get off the pot”. No, I am not firing my helper, much as I really would love to do this, at this point in my journey of self-discovery and business growth, I honestly cannot afford to be help-less.
I have basically decided to dive in the deep end and begin designing jewellery, but going straight into fine jewellery.
Fine jewellery.
Mmmm….yum.
Gold, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, pearls…
Of course it sounds more bling than it will actually be, but its a big step for me. I have wanted to go in this direction all along but I haven’t had the right connections or money or the confidence…but mostly actually the knowhow on where to start.
So while I have come to many ends of late, the end of my training with JAB, for the forseeable future while I wait on my August scheduled knee surgery to fix my completely ruptured ACL and my duo-meniscus tears…and then the expected recovery that could take as long as a year before I am up to scratch. I have had to accept that my chances of walking the Camino de Santiago are going to be slim to none this year. My chances of competing in a triathlon, what would have been my first, will also have to be shelved. Well…there are many new beginnings.
I have come to the conclusion that I am choosing to be positive about more and more things in life. Its also afforded me a sense of what is real and what is not. Like for instance, my relationship with my sister, its not real. I read an article the other day and it was about people with narcissistic personality disorder…and literally, verbatim, it spelled out my sister and her personality.
Upon reading the article I felt a sense of relief wash over me, like, wow, I fucking tried and I tried so fucking hard. I no longer have to try so hard. I can lay that shit down without feeling I didn’t give it my all.
She has been trying to reel me back in with compliments and self-depreciation, but I am not buying it. I am not doing this rollercoaster shitfest any more and I am honestly going to leave her to it. I care enough for her but I do care about myself a fair bit more, and for my own sanity and well being, I have got to cut that shit loose. I will remain civil, but that is the extent of where my commitment ends. I am not going to get reeled in so she can beat me down again and pretend it didn’t happen. I am not a punching bag.
No more lies, no more pretending to believe them.
And so in many ways, I am feeling freed, mentally, to pursue the things I feel most passionate about without there being anyone jealousy of my pursuits or my progress or my success. Or for that matter, anyone there to laugh at my failure, if I fail.
In my slow and winding journey to self-actualization as a designer and purveyor of fine jewellery I have made one amazing friend and I am truly grateful that our paths have crossed. Through this one individual I am learning more about quality and finish, attention to detail, and more than anything, about honesty and integrity.
I know now, more than ever, that the kind of jeweler I want to be is the honest kind.
Upon melting down and renewing many old pieces of unused jewellery I have, I have come to learn how jewelers have cheated my mother, selling her something 9K and plated and passing it off as 18K. Gold wasn’t so easy to test back then as it is now. But hey, I won’t be selling gold that way.
I want to create pieces that are of value, that are still affordable and not a rip off, and that can be passed down from mother to daughter with great pride. Not just something that is big and chunky and only worth its weight, I want to create pieces that are beautiful and worthy of hanging on to.
I’m looking at many things in my life and reassessing them. My health has been something I have always taken for granted but that I have only in the last two years actually taken an active interest in. Ok, maybe the last 5 years, but its been a bit hit and miss with birthing babies here and there. But as my body falls apart, piece by piece, and as my hormone levels go to shit in a lesser but still significantly noticeable way, I get it. I get it now how important it is to get 8 hours of sleep. I get how important it is to eat the right food and to eat less overall. I get how important it is to drink enough water each day. I get how I can’t use loads of chemicals on my skin and hair and expect to look younger. I get how I can’t keep running around on aching knees because, you know, I’ll miss them when they are gone.
I also get how toxic people can ruin a good life.
I get how the big picture doesn’t have to be about you becoming a martyr.
Life is meant to be lived and by hook or by crook, make it a life worth living.
Life IS too short to put up with people who treat you like shit and keep expecting you to take it.
Surround yourself with good, kind, intelligent, generous, patient, funny, loving, caring and honest people.
Fuck the liars, fuck the bullshit, fuck the people who hate more than they love.
Some people spend so much time poo-pooing everything and anything they see that they perceive as a threat.
Stop hanging out with those people.
You don’t need to surround yourself by yes-people, you just need to surround yourself with people who will tell you how it is. Honesty, integrity and generosity of spirit.
Having a positive outlook is not a natural thing for us humans who have always expected the sky to fall on our heads.
Like a muscle, you can build a more positive outlook by exercising your ability to choose how you view a problem, choose who you interact with, choose how you allow yourself to be treated.
Choose you…always choose you over anyone else. Be good to you and set yourself up for success.
🙂
Me, Myself & I 