I never thought I would feel this way about ageing.
Kinda positive, but also a little scared.
Positive because I feel relieved that I made it this far, but also because its nowhere near as horrendous as I thought it would be.
I remember thinking, back when I was 18 and we would be hanging with a DJ who happened to be 30…like “Woah, what the fuck is that OLD DUDE doing hanging with us?”
I mean, when we were 18, 25 was old.
Nowadays I talk to my son’s friends and I feel we are having this normal and respectable conversation and it never quite occurs to me that this 16 year old is thinking, “Damn, your Mom is cool, for an OLD person!”
When the hell did my parents get old?
But more importantly, when did I!
I am headed to Bangkok this week.
I have finally pulled my thumb out my ass and made my appointment for a full medical check up. Call it “Medical tourism” or whatever you like, but its simply got to be done. And its simply cheaper (like half the price, even if you include the hotel and the flight) compared to where we are now.
I am turning 40 this year and I am going to go for that mammogram I have never had, I am going to get that pap smear thats long overdue, and I will get a whole host of tests from gout to cancer of the gut, liver to kidneys, hepatitis to thyroid, tumors to TB…and they are gonna make me poop and pee in a cup.
Not looking forward to that one.
Peeing on demand, sure, but pooping??? How the hell am I gonna poop on demand?
Sigh.
Best up my fiber and fluid, starting tomorrow!
Anyway, basically this is a trip to ensure I am not dying of cancer.
I know my husband laughs all the time at how much of a hypochondriac I am, like one little mosquito bite that doesn’t seem to heal coz I mistakenly scratch it and I am certain its oozing coz I got skin cancer!
I panic that not only may I have cancer but that people I know, love and care about could also possibly have cancer, all coz they have a cough or a stomach ache.
Sigh.
So yeah, I think this trip is meant to put all that to rest while also giving me an afternoon/evening to lounge by a tiny pool at my boutique 4 star hotel with a decent 8.7 rating on Agoda, located a convenient 300 meters from the 5 star hospital I will be stuck at for 3-6 hours while they run the barrage of tests.
Getting the results will take a day, apparently.
Like wow.
To hear if I have high cholesterol or gout, in a day!
Nice.
Ehhhh……..
My Dad has gout.
And high cholesterol.
My brother has high cholesterol.
I am not looking forward to this.
And yet, I kinda am.
Coz its been a few years since I last went to Bangkok.
And I LOVE Thai food.
And I kinda love this whole aspect of traveling away without my family and just doing a day on my own…I don’t even have to do anything phenomenal, I could sit in front of the TV all day, but I can go to sleep when I want and I wake up when I want…alone, but pretty fucking relaxed.
I end up coming home feeling pretty generous of spirit and revitalised to tackle the less than enjoyable shit like tidying a segment of the house that has long since been left in disarray, or buying a super fancy vacuum with a water and HEPA filter and vacuuming every piece of upholstery and every square inch of flooring.
Man, you know how I mentioned I finally gave my helper the boot, you have no idea the amount of dust caked on everything when I vacuumed with my super duper German allergy battling vacuum today. I only managed to finish the dining and living area but…lets just say I am really going to be glad when she is out of here and I sure as fuck hope the next one is cleaner than this one, is capable of following instructions, and can actually cook like she claims she can!
My kingdom for good help.
I know, I know…first world problems…but when you end up hiring someone who ends up becoming yet another person to take care of vs helping you with the persons you already take care of…it becomes a burden more than a help.
Still, without someone to help with the kids, we would never get away for a date night or a movie or a gym class. Unlike in the west, we don’t have a trustworthy, affordable option such as daycare or an army of baby sitters we can call on.
So to combat this transition becoming a pain, you know, the things I can’t control, etc…and also to prep myself good and proper for the knee surgery to come, I have bought a shitload of gym equipment to be used in home, to simply make me feel like I am doing something proactive.
And like some giddy schoolgirl, I unwrapped the lot yesterday and was using as much of it as I could by today.
To think that 20 years ago all I needed was a hit of E to make me feel this chipper, now its gym equipment.
What the fuck happened along the way?
When did I get so old? Lol.
But yes, we all change, not who we are, but our priorities change. The paths we are on, they may deviate from where we started.
We are all essentially the same people.
I feel I am still the me I remember when I was 20…
Still wide eyed and full of wonder at small things.
Still optimistic and full of laughs.
Sure I am a bit wiser and maybe I speak my mind more (if that were at all possible), but I am not the crazy cynic I sometimes think I ought to have become from all the folks who have been there to beat me down over the decades.
I know that life is worth living.
When you’ve been to the ledge, when you’ve wanted to be dead, you know every little reason why you want to live when you come back from that ledge.
I know many people who have this same renewed zest for life and it never really changes.
I think the knee surgery is going to be bad.
Thats not me being pessimistic, I think, and this is just from what I have heard from others, its really going to suck.
Grafting a piece of my hamstring into an ACL…sounds seriously fucking painful.
You need your hamstrings.
You need them to stand, to sit, to walk up and down stairs, heck…they are kinda important.
The rehabilitation will be interesting.
My surgery has been shifted forward to the 12 August coz the Doc decided to go on holiday after rather than before.
So whatever.
What I am aiming to do now is to work on strengthening my hamstrings, my quads, my glutes, core and calves. Of course, I will keep working on upper body because for a time I will be leaning on crutches and I need to be pretty strong and stable on those.
Its going to be 3-4 months before I am good for walking without pain and its going to be a year before I can “jog/run”. Basically, cautious recovery.
So I guess the next snowboarding season will have to have me doing TRX indoors (Argh! Must. Learn. To. Love. TRX!!!)
Nibbling on nabe, sipping sake, and sweating up a storm in the onsens.
Shit, even the kids will be skiing!
I will go nuts!
August-September-October-November-December-Jaaaannnnuaaarrryy….hmmmmm, maybe I will make the snowboarding season.
Maybe…
Hmmmmm…..
Maybe by February or March?
Hmmmm…..
I heard my husband talking on the phone with his friend, who like him, is recovering from knee surgery. And his friend has had pretty much the same surgery that I am going in for, and the doc told him he would have to wait at least a year before he gets back into the things he is into, namely – snowboarding, paragliding, and pretty much everything insane for his knees. Of course, that friend has no plans to listen to the doctor…he was in Switzerland, cycling and doing insane climbs that involved walking on a wire along a rock face and shit…within 2 months of surgery…so there is hope for me, *cough*
Basically the fact sheet I got said I can return to light sports training in 6 months and possibly “competition” in 12 months. Oooh, and it has a bit about how I could be jogging in 2 months! What??? Cool!
Yeaaaaahhh, lets see how that goes, lol.
I do want to do that triathlon, and thats in November, I have already signed up, so maybe, August, September, October….could be done!
I don’t have to come first or shit, I am all about the participation medals!
But I better get cycling now if I am to figure out how to get rehabilitated in time!
Suddenly I am feeling much more peppy!
Glad I searched for and read that fact document from the doctor again!
There I was feeling all “Fuck my life, woe is me, boo frikken hoo” and now I am feeling a renewed sense of purpose and how I will get through this like I get through every bit of shit I go through.
Heck, I did 14 weeks of bedrest with third pregnancy!
10 weeks of bedrest with second pregnancy!
Emergency c-section after 13 hours of labor with first pregnancy!
This is not bedrest!
This is just ACL reconstruction!
I have had a C-section before, this will be a walk in the fucking park! (Pardon the pun, its likely to be more of a crutch assisted hobble! No parks, I will be lucky to make it from the car to the apartment, one floor below!)
But there is hope.
And where there is hope, all hell can break loose 🙂
Wish me luck!
And lets hope against hope I ain’t got any kind of cancer, but silver lining, totally looking forward to the short trip to Bangkok. Although I will have to fast for 12 hours before my tests, I am well practiced in fasting now! Bonus!
And after the tests I will still have 24 hours to go eat some seriously spicy Thai food, wander the bazaars and lounge by the pool with a bottle of Chang.
Winning!
Until then!
Me, Myself & I 